I am glad to be away from Arizona completely because of all these things that are going on in my life. Somedays I truly want to pack up all my things and move as far away from Arizona and start fresh to see what I could do with my life but I can't with school and everything, I don't want to start all over with school that just isn't in the cards for me. So this boy that picked a 19 yr old over me...am I upset yes because he told me all kinda of things like how he liked me soooo much and he thought I was one of the greatest people that he met, all lies I am sure or maybe they weren't he was just saying them thinking he could get whatever he wanted by saying those things. Am I heart broken, I would say no because I do not feel like I was being treated the way I thought I deserved to be treated, I want someone to make me their first choice someone who would rather sit at home curled up watching a movie or a Friday night then out getting drunk someone who wants to spend time with me and just likes me for the crazy weird person that I know I am and that I am ok with. I think I am just confused to why people say things that they sometimes just do not mean and make people fall for them then turn around and change what they have to say. It's not fair to the people that they do it too. I think that it also isn't fair that he says he wants to be my fried because he thinks we can be best friends, why would I want to be best friends who I can not trust, or with someone I already started out our friendship with lies? I don't know of I could ever really trust that person. But knowing me I'll be his friend and I'll probably get way hurt in the long run, because that is me... I want people to like me I want people to be around me and I want to think that everyone is a good person. All of this also makes me thing is there anyone out there for me, my mom and I had a talk about this today while driving around you can't let not being with someone at the moment determine your happiness you have to be happy to be happy with someone else but how can this happen if you keep being used by people? According to Demi Levato she thinks that every time you have your heart broken you never get that piece back, that you can fill that spot with new things and people that make you happy. But how many times can you be hurt by people or have your heart stepped on before there just isn't anything left? Sometimes I feel like there isn't going to be much of my heart left if I don't find away to keep out the people who do not truly care about me out. This is something I am going to have to work on and hopefully I figure it out sooner then later.
So I am going to start using my blog pretty much as a journal even though it is out there for the whole world to read maybe it will do me some good to write things down more, I've tried with a journal but it's hard with that I'm always forgetting where I put the journal or I just feel like not doing it but since I am always on the computer then I will have no excuses for not writing things down and it'll make me go through all the things in my head. So my blogs may ramble, sound super sad or depressing so if you are someone who reads my blog you will have to bare with me and let me write the things that i want to write and say what I want to say, just if I don't want to talk with you about it after it is written then it is something you will just have to let be. I mean sometimes I just have to get things off my cheat so they don't stay bottled in and sometimes they are things I just don't really want to talk about with people or have them give their opinions(I may be weird in that way) but I just want someone to listen. I do truly think that keeping up with this blog from now on will help me to figure out the things in my life.. Hence I guess why I called the blog my life journey haha. Well thank you to whoever will or has read it and hopefully you will keep on reading because I truly appreciate it whether it seems like it or not.
